The Black women who choose to have children on their own: ‘We’re going in eyes open’

Melissa Hellmann, the Guardian

With growing support networks online and in person, these moms say they’re changing the narrative around Black single motherhood.

When Chamise Alston was ready to have a child, she connected her computer to her TV and scrolled through profiles with her best friend, dismissing people who seemed like the wrong fit. Unlike the average millennial on a dating app, Alston was scanning a sperm bank catalogue for potential donors. The Maryland-based therapist hoped to conceive a child through the assisted reproductive technology in vitro-fertilization (IVF).

That winter day in 2023, Alston and her friend chose a donor who would help her become pregnant with her now 16-month-old daughter. As a Black woman, she felt empowered taking control of her reproductive destiny.

“I always wanted to be a mom,” said 40-year-old Alston. “Once I realized that there was a route for me to be a mom, sans a relationship, that’s always been my mission.”

Alston is part of a growing number of Black women opting to be single moms by choice (SMBC) through IVF, intrauterine insemination and adoption. Studies show that SMBCs are most likely to be financially stable, educated women in their late 30s. While Black women who choose solo parenting fit a similar profile as their white peers, they face unique challenges. Along with navigating stigmas around Black single motherhood, they also contend with a limited number of Black and brown sperm donors, and sometimes face discriminatory experiences from hospital staff during labor and delivery.

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